Yes. Okay? I  miss it. But that doesn't change anything.

Gotta love Mondays..

I finally have it figured out. I know what it really is, how it really works. Part of me wishes I wouldn't have had to figure it out this way. But then again, now I know everything that could have possibly happened..Could have gone wrong. Every thing has it's own unique distinctions. Their own energies. Every living thing has a unique way of expressing itself. I guess that's just how that needed to be expressed. ... so confusing. 

I'm still not sure if it's a good or bad thing that I figured it out. I wish I could still live in the world where no one dies painfully, where people don't hurt each other, and where relationships last forever. It's not bliss that comes from ignorance, it's danger. 

Brain, Please stop playing that over and over again in my head. I didn't want it to happen in the first place, what makes you think I want to watch it again. Thanks.   <3/ Me

There's truth behind every "Just kidding".

Being your punching bag helped you express how you were really feeling. I get that. It needed to happen because I wanted..I needed to know how you were feeling. I feel like i'm supposed to take it because of what I did to you. I know I suck,okay?  But I can't help but shake the feeling that that wasn't right. I feel (selfishly enough) that I still deserve to be respected. I can't let myself be happy because I can only imagine how much pain I caused you. You have the right to do whatever. Right? I think I handled it pretty well. On the outside.

Thought:

Hey. Lets be friends

Describes it to a T

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

Sure we're still best friends?

I'm not giving up. I'm letting go. I know what I will be missing out on and they don't know how sad I am that i'm losing that. Every one else thinks you deserve better. So go find your "better". Please. You deserve someone who is everything that i'm not. I'm just a distraction on your way to finding what you really need. I sincerely want you to be happy. Please be happy

If you truly love them, let them go.

This is what is supposed to happen, right?

Thoughts running around in my head

I don't care if this doesn't make sense. 
I just hope that maybe you're reading this.

Stop making things harder
Stop being so nice to me
Stop blaming yourself
Stop thinking that I'm the only thing that can make you happy. As much as I want to believe that
There is something out there waiting to make you more happy than I ever could Go Find It
Just let me go.
Just be mad
Just cry
Just please don't think that I did it because I was done with you.

Im too tired to hold on. But i'm too in love to let go.
"It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does".
Please be my best friend still.
Something good is going to come from this.
All of my strength is going to trusting my Savior.
I know he can make things right for you,
Make you happy, happier than any person can.
Find some thing good for you and hold on to it.

sometimes it has to break completely in order to heal all the way.

“Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I’ve felt, letting go is the most painful yet.” 


It's not easy for me either. I wish it could have been the other way around.
Please stay safe. Don't hurt yourself because of me. Please. Do everything for yourself.
Go on a mission and tell people anything you know about the gospel.IF you want to.. Stay in school. If you feel like it. Get married..Wherever you feel is right for you. But please just do one thing for me? Don't hurt yourself.
I couldn't stand to see you more hurt than I already have. 


"It's going to be hard talking to you. it's not that I am mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you and that makes me love you even more ."


This will help, if you let it.
Hold your scriptures. Look at the cover. Sleep with them. Open them up. Look at a word. Read a verse. Just holding them gives you power. Think about Heavenly Father and his plan for you. Think about praying. Get down on your knees for a few seconds. Maybe close your eyes. Ask if any one is there. Then just Listen. You don't have to open up your scriptures and start reading 5 chapters a night. You don't have to pray a certain amount of times a day. Start small. I can't help you any more. But he can. He will show you his son who is feeling the same stabbing feeling that you are. And then if you just ask him, he will take that heavy, stinging, painful, achy, exhaustion away from you. I know this will happen. Because it just happened to me. 


I've never really shared my testimony with you. So here is a portion of it...
     I know my Heavenly Father and my big brother Jesus Christ are waiting to take this weight off of my shoulders. I know the peace that comes from saying words as simple as "I can't do this any more. Please carry my pain for a little while so I can get through this." The peace will come. I know it will. Please just try this. Then it is our responsibility to tell any one that this is possible. 

Hey you!

Don't assume that I like you. Thanks:)