Letters from Missionaries!

I got my second letter from Elder Cree Anderson today!! I absolutely love hearing from him...I miss him tons but i'm so happy that he loves it there. You can tell he's getting really homesick but maybe that's what he needs for his testimony to grow stronger! Keep him in your prayers:)

Changing

Every thing is changing. Don't know if it's good or bad, but I don't really care. I'm just up for something new and different. A shift from my normal, monotonous life. So to all of the changes coming my way: BRING IT:)

The Fam

I know my family is far from normal. But what is the definition of normal now days? THIS is our normal. I love my family so much. Some times I feel like I just can't wait to move out and get going with college but then I realize that my family is my life. Because of my situation with having to "take over" mother responsibilities, my social life has been short lived. Don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining ( Even though I feel at times like I have the right to complain). Taking care of my family is a huge responsibility in my life. Which is why my family is my life. It's like I have two sons (besides the fact that I don't pay for every thing they do like a real mom would)..and if being a teen mom doesn't complicate things then I don't know what does. My point in writing this is not to make people feel bad for me, but to express that I see what Heavenly Father is doing by allowing me to go through this "trial". I have always wanted a big family, ( my Patriarchal blessing reassures that some day I will have that (if I make the right choices... starting today) and Heavenly Father is just waiting for me to marry the right man so that He can give that to me. But He knows that righteously raising a family is going to be one of the hardest things I do in my life. So he gave me this opportunity of taking care of my brothers to prepare me for being a mother. It's really taught me that you can't expect your children to act a certain way. They have their own agency and they aren't going to do what you ask/tell them to do.It's never predictable. It's making me see that I am going to have an amazing family if I learn from this trial. I am so excited to see what He has in store for me. I know that he knows I can handle it. He knows exactly what I can and can't handle. And He is right there waiting to help me if I ever doubt myself. 

Yes. Okay? I  miss it. But that doesn't change anything.

Gotta love Mondays..

I finally have it figured out. I know what it really is, how it really works. Part of me wishes I wouldn't have had to figure it out this way. But then again, now I know everything that could have possibly happened..Could have gone wrong. Every thing has it's own unique distinctions. Their own energies. Every living thing has a unique way of expressing itself. I guess that's just how that needed to be expressed. ... so confusing. 

I'm still not sure if it's a good or bad thing that I figured it out. I wish I could still live in the world where no one dies painfully, where people don't hurt each other, and where relationships last forever. It's not bliss that comes from ignorance, it's danger. 

Brain, Please stop playing that over and over again in my head. I didn't want it to happen in the first place, what makes you think I want to watch it again. Thanks.   <3/ Me

There's truth behind every "Just kidding".

Being your punching bag helped you express how you were really feeling. I get that. It needed to happen because I wanted..I needed to know how you were feeling. I feel like i'm supposed to take it because of what I did to you. I know I suck,okay?  But I can't help but shake the feeling that that wasn't right. I feel (selfishly enough) that I still deserve to be respected. I can't let myself be happy because I can only imagine how much pain I caused you. You have the right to do whatever. Right? I think I handled it pretty well. On the outside.

Thought:

Hey. Lets be friends